Seventy-somethings Velma Huddleston and Louie Madison first meet at a Memphis retirement home. Widowed after a really rotten marriage, Velma finds Louie her soul mate. To Louie, Velma’s sweet as chocolate on a stick. Everything’s going just dandy, they’re plumb in love. Until the word gets out: Happy Valley Home is closing.

Velma’s nervous, bewigged son Farvis and his Bible-toting wife Loretta say that his mom will move in with them. Genovadene, Louie’s voluptuous, surgery-enhanced twin daughter has deemed he will live with her sister, mousy-plain Jeneeva, far away in North Carolina.

Louie blows his top. “You ain’t gonna separate me and Velma. It ain’t gonna happen. Not for money, marble or chalk, it won’t!”

Country as a hound dog, sly as red fox, right quick, ol’ Louie comes up with a plan. He calls his famous rock star grandson Gavin in Malibu, who implements their getaway before “the kids” can get their act together.

So Velma and Louie run off in a bright red Corvette, tarryhootin’ cross-country, headed for California. They experience white water rafting, hit a jackpot in Vegas, and even take a ride in a hot air balloon. Boy howdy, are they enjoying life!

In hot pursuit, don’t ya’ know, are Fervis, Loretta and the twins. All encounter their own outrageous escapades but are still intent on putting a stop to any fun those ornery elder fugitives are having.

Although fun and fast, CHOCOLATE ON A STICK contains a surplus of expletives and rude scatological references – one toilet scene runs several pages – much too much. And, from Velma’s seventy-three-year-old country-girl point of view, there are many exceedingly politically incorrect opinions expressed -- on a variety of touchy subjects -- any one of them guaranteed to put somebody up in arms.

Readers just have to remember they are just Velma’s sentiments. Yet this reviewer wonders, how, at her age, Velma remains so naive about some subjects and sharply knowledgeable about others. Or why she is unable to pronounce or spell the word “ornery.” Along the same lines, the folksy colloquial dialogue could have been toned down. Like salt a little adds zest to the dish, too much overwhelms it.